Couple of poems
Well, I had a comment on my last post suggesting that I post some of my poems. I'd be really interested to find out what people think of them.The first one is about how I felt during my Easter holidays. My current poems are mainly about depression but I try to add something hopeful (though this is not always the case). I used the metaphor of a prison to explain my feelings. It's fairly easy to get what I was trying to say through this poem as I don't usually write crypticly.
'Thoughts of a prisoner'
The journey is long,
Painful,
Imprisoning.
There's no freedom
Any more.
I sleep to be free,
But my dreams aren't peaceful.
Scary things happen,
I want to get off.
No,
Correction,
I need to get off.
I'm not a criminal,
What did I do?
Imprisoned by my thoughts,
My dad's exaggeration
Once proved right.
No hope of escape,
Still on suicide watch.
No space,
No freedom.
Stop the world,
I've had enough.
The journey must end
With freedom,
Release from pain.
I can't carry on in prison
For something I didn't do.
The next is about how I expect some social stigma as a dropout but I seem to have come up against a lot more than what I had hoped for, mainly because of my emotions.
'The depressed dropout'
No chances in life,
Judgement every day
From those who don't understand.
I've tried to move on,
To correct my mistakes
And make something of myself.
So what if I dropped out.
It was for the best
But I face a daily judgement,
A social stigma
For doing what I thought was right.
But it doesn't end there.
I'm judged for my feelings,
Ashamed of my emotions.
When it gets really bad
I'm left unable to talk.
I write, but still fear judgement,
A poem, a suicide note.
Nobody cares, nobody understands,
So I am left alone.
Solitary confinement
For a crime I didn't commit,
The story of the depressed dropout
Has no happy ending.
Socially stigmatised,
My ambitions reduced to pipe dreams.
People judge me for what I've become,
They don't understand.
My emotions kept private,
The truth of the depressed dropout kept hidden.
The next is about the way that my faith has been tested recently. In some ways, it is a bit of a follow-up to this blog entry.
'Confusion in faith'
Sometimes it gets too much,
I can't take any more.
There's no explanation,
No reason for my feelings.
All I can do is pray,
But this is so difficult
When I've lost all hope
And all I have left is anger.
God doesn't need to listen.
I've done so much bad,
I don't deserve his help,
But listen he does.
I don't know why,
I can't explain.
"Have faith and don't give up"
Is what God says to me.
I've been left wondering,
Was it God who confused my emotions?
I wish I knew how I felt,
Even if I couldn't get any worse.
Sometimes I can't escape,
Days or even weeks of anger
And no end to my confusion.
I just wish it was all...
Over?
Finished?
Done?
Yeah, that's about right.
Finally, this is another poem about being a social reject and also what being depressed has done to me over these last couple of months.
'The social reject'
The social reject
With nothing left.
Choices I made
And problems inflicted upon me.
I hoped for success,
But chances wither away,
Leaving no trace of their existence
Like an anonymous death.
The social reject
With no hopes for tomorrow.
With no tomorrow.
What is the point?
Circumstances out of my control
Drive my emotions lower each day,
To the point I can no longer cope.
So what is the point?
The social reject
With a death wish at twenty,
Never regained the will to live.
There's no hope left,
All I once had withered away,
No trace of positive existence.
Another anonymous death -
Mine.
I hope you all liked those poems and that they weren't too depressing. It's just that I find writing about my worst emotions helps to get rid of them. Sorry that this entry was particularly long but my poems do tend to be fairly long. By the way, I am not after any sympathy. These are just poems.
posted by Average guy on the street @ 3:22 pm
15 Comments:
Don't quit the day job.
I'd definitely concur with that...
So hello average guy on the street!
Those poems don’t have much of a beat
To get with the fashion
And express your passion
Find some RHYMES to fill your lines!
So brave to put your poems online
At obviously such a difficult time
Wishing you the best
Please don’t be stressed
With the Divine, you’ll shine, it will be fine!
I hope to read more of your writing
I find it very enlightening
Please fill these web pages
With more poetic rages
Countless stanzas of masterly RHYMING!
P.S. How about more racy stuff?
I like the poems, but would like to hear more about how you are coping with dropping out, what are you doing to fill your time at the moment, any problams with your situation, etc.
Thank you for this blog, its very inspiring.
Have you really found any stigma for dropping out or is it in your head?
I dropped out and switched course to a different course and different instiution and never experienced any stigma.
I always find people treat yu in a simlar fashio to the way you treat yourself
Kerri, keep going. As Phillip Larking once said “Poetry is nobody's business except the poet's, and everybody else can fuck off." say wahtever it is you have to say, especially if it makes you feel better. hope everything goes well for you,
Ro
i meant Larkin before anyone corrects me!
Well then don't publish it? Not sure if that argument works 0.o
90% of the time you are in total control of how people perceive and react to you. Don't whine about it, do something to change it. Figure it out.
Furthermore I would recommend seeing a counsellor and your doctor for anti-depressants, both in tandem can completely change your outlook.
Anon.
There is no God, it makes life harder but a hard life makes a better person. Let go of the crutch, get help and start walking :)
Ok...
These are very bad.
Look for ways to improve your life, not dwell on the shit.
But seriously, if you're going to write drivel like this, don't publish it.
Astonishing—all you did was read a few poems, and suddenly you know exactly what it's like to be in Kerri's head, and how to sort her life out. You must have a truly marvellous capacity for empathy and judgement to provide such personal, in-depth advice.
Seriously, if you aren't brave enough to give even a pseudonym, why should anyone believe you have the courage to escape clinical depression? These poems are her way of escaping:
"It's just that I find writing about my worst emotions helps to get rid of them."—Kerri
Either you didn't parse this, or you think you know Kerri better than she knows herself. If the former, you're careless; and if the latter you're foolhardy and arrogant. Neither is a particularly glowing recommendation of your character or ability to give a fuck, so I suggest you leave the advice to her psychiatrist.
I am in agreement with Jordan here. I welcome any kind of constructive criticism on my poetry, but do not need any advice on how to overcome depression from a bunch of amateurs who can't even be bothered to think of a pseudonym.
To the anonymous commenters:
I was always told if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. If you don't like the poems there's no-one forcing you to read them! Get a life and stop trying to make the lives of others just that little bit more miserable.
To average guy on the street:
I personally liked your poems, but I think that the only opinion that counts is your own.
I was always told if you've got nothing nice to say don't say anything at all. If you don't like the poems there's no-one forcing you to read them! Get a life and stop trying to make the lives of others just that little bit more miserable.
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